My dog and I are now one. We have become, dogperson. All the bipedability of a person, with the infinite compassion of a dog. We are unstoppable.

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That’s not the case. There is air there, and you’ll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is “dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and ‘gross dismemberment’ (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body.”

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

I’m inside a wall now

in the next apartment’s bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

I’ve just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

I am now laying on my sister’s bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

I’m have been removed from my current chair and I’m now sitting in a different chair.

I am now sitting on the exact same bench in the exact same position except two feet to the left

I’m midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

I’ll be done worrying about work today, I tell you what.

Scared the shit out of the cat sitting in that spot