Let it all out. Be a storm
I’m lonely. I broke up with my partner Valentine’s Day before last (found out she was cheating on me!). Turned 30 late last year, I work from home, and I’m not super outgoing y’know? I haven’t tried online dating since 2017 prior to this and it just sucks. It’s awful. It’s so hard to get a sense of a person on there so it ends up not being very successful. I’m sick of being in my apartment like fucking Rapunzel in the tower.
Do you feel like going back into the dating pool now?
I say this because I broke up with my partner one month ago, dating since 2018, and I feel that after 4 months my healing process will still not be finished. Do you have any friends around, maybe old acquaintances you can have a drink with? I don’t work from home, so my coworkers (who I surprisingly adore) have been instrumental in getting me back to life. Not dating yet, but at least being social. They’ve been planning events, activities and such, which isn’t uncommon for them, but when I was with my partner we would never go to these things.
Don’t take this as advice as I’m 100% not suitable to give it, take it more as support. I’ve also been seeing a therapist (I had a lot of issues that led to the downfall of the relationship), if that’s an option for you I would recommend it.
I’ve completely given up on finding someone to spend my life with. I’m 27m and I have nothing to offer outside of love. Every girl I’m even slightly attracted to already has a boyfriend. I’m not unattractive but I have resting bitch face and I’m intimidating. I’ve lived my whole life with people being afraid of me which fuels my need for companionship. I know I’m not owed anything from anyone but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt.
Anymore I’ve just accepted that I’m going to die alone because I’m only going to be wanted for what I can provide when I just want to be fucking loved. My own family doesn’t even love me. All they can talk about is how I’m not good enough or I’m not applying myself correctly.
I hate being a man…
I feel you, man.
I’m 29 and in your same exact situation. I’m constantly reminded that I’m alone and the world isn’t made for single men. The harder I try the stronger the depression hits back since all my efforts are meaningless. And each time I talk to someone about it I just get the most cliche responses.
I’ve just completely given up on love and accepted that I’ll be alone the rest of my life. Since it looks like it won’t be better, at least I don’t want it to be worse…
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I have to take care of a 3 year old with pink eye giving her antibiotic eye drops 4 times a day for a week. It’s like wrangling a greased screaming pig. She doesn’t sleep though the night from the coughing, so i dont sleep through the night. I’m all alone while my spouse is on a work trip for 2 weeks, so he gets to miss out on all of this start to finish! No daycare or taekwondo so I can get a break! No family or support! All me all alone with a shit eyed toddler and no sleep for 2 weeks straight. That’s on top of all the other agonizing responsibilities haunting me every day. I’m so tired, 10 days left…
I’m sick and tired of working for other people. Having to take PTO to do literally anything you want to do on a weekday is so fucked, and I’m one of the lucky people (who works PST while in EST). Corporate policies and politics truly do run rampant through every company, and I just need to keep working on products until one becomes sustainable long-term.
Feel like that’s the key to financial and physical freedom - making the next big thing, then getting it to a solid state and just doing gradual improvements. Don’t pull a spez, don’t piss people off and don’t add too many new features after a while or you’ll kill what you have. And for the love of GOD, don’t go public.
IPO’ing and going public are what kill companies with great things running for them, simply due to the “keep growing every day until the company inevitably collapses” mindset.
I’ve been trying to get assessed for ADHD for almost a month now, and the therapist i’ve been trying to schedule with has been dragging their feet for WEEKS.
Both my brother and father have ADHD, my brother was diagnosed when he was a teenager but my dad was diagnosed in his 50s (I am 30). I work from home, which works great and I have no regrets, but when I get distracted, i get distracted HARD. I am constantly getting up, I have about 60 tabs open on multiple monitors, about every 30 seconds I think “I should look at xy or z” and open a new tab. When i’m not working, I have to have 2 or 3 things on at a time (read social media app redacted, have a tv show on, play with my dog, ect), and I have constant decision block in choosing how to spend my free time. It’s getting to the point where I’m up until 2am or worse towards the end of every deadline. I have a bunch of side projects I really want to dig into, but I can’t seem to maintain focus on any of them.
My insurance covers the costs of therapy but only within network, so I feel a little hamstrung to use this therapist because they’re the closest to me and have great reviews and seem to have an approach I would appreciate, but JESUS CHRIST just respond to my fucking emails! To add to the stress, I feel very self conscious of the perception I might be fishing for drugs, and ever time I send a follow up email i feel like i’m making it look like I don’t really need help.
I feel like i’m failing my wife, and my employer, and my friends, and I just want some help so I can get my life a little more in control. It’s exhausting.
I am so angry. I am so sick and tired of just stating my experiences as a woman and having people who are not women straight up tell me that I’m wrong. About my own life experiences. It’s fucking exhausting to be surrounded on all sides by bad faith actors, knowing full well that you won’t get through to them, and feeling defeated, like the world is going backwards and you can feel your rights being torn away from you bit by bit, trying desperately to stand up for yourself and having any words you say fall on deaf ears. I’m so sick of not being listened to. I’m so sick of not being believed. I am so fucking sick of not being respected. I just want to be treated like a human and not be criticised for literally just fucking existing.
I’m so done.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I hate dealing with people enough as a man. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with all the bullshit you are stuck with, having your opinions and experiences dismissed, etc. I hope things improve for you (and all women), but it looks like it’ll get worse before it (hopefully) gets better.
I really appreciate your comment more than you know. Just having a guy read what I wrote there and not only recognize it, but believe it and validate it means so, so much.
I’m lucky in that I have some close male friends probably a lot like you who are willing to listen and are actively improving themselves and I am so very thankful for that.
I’m not a woman, but I am a minority living in a racist part of the USA, and I kinda know what you’re talking about. It’s really hard. I sometimes feel crazy because people don’t believe me.
I constantly have to play this game of, “are they being rude, do they not like me, or are they being racist?” I feel gaslighted all the time. I feel lesser and it’s tiring having to be who I am. Even people who think they are being kind are assholes. Telling me that I’m “not like the others” is such an insult to my people. “The others” are my friends and family. They are not “others” they are people to me.
I am sorry you are going through this. Your voice matters and is valid
Edit: Sorry for attaching my venting to yours. Pretty selfish of me now looking back
Oh gosh I cant even imagine dealing with all the racist little micro aggressions you have to deal with every day. Also don’t feel bad for venting, you were just trying to relate, and I’m autistic so I relate in a very similar way. I feel for you too and I’m glad someone understands. ❤
poolitics <leaving the typo> - just… ugh, all of it!
I FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM THE WORLD IS FUCKING BURNING AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT
That’s not true. I care!
It was great for a while, lifted billions out of poverty, gave us cures to diseases, air conditioning, internet, etc. But I definitely feel like we need to rethink it now. We need to protect the institutions that allow for innovation, entrepreneurialism, and capitalism, yes, because innovation is essential. But we also need to figure out how to help the tens of millions of people capitalism is leaving in the dust. Idk how to do that though.
Socialism
I’m a skilled fuckin mason. But I’ve put my notice in so I’m being given all the shit jobs on my last week. The past three days I’ve been descaling parts of the wall. What’s descaling you ask? Going over the entire wall with a hand brush and a wire brush, knocking off all the loose bits. Meanwhile their star mason is installing stones with ledges so big you could hang a fuckin coffee cup off em, and totally missing mortar on entire stones. Literally just plop em on the wall and keep going. Fuck this place, and fuck Bob specifically.
Shitty for them to do that to you. Would it impact your next job or your wallet so much that you can’t just tell them to fuck off and just walk away?
Next job no, wallet yes. And it’s just to the end of the week and I can tell me to shove their heads up each others asses
Man Bob sounds like a real piece of work. Good for you, I hope you find a place that can utilize and appreciate (in the form of payment) your talents and commitment to quality of work. Best of luck internet stranger!!
I’m at a crossroads in life where I need to start making large and impactful decisions about my future. It’s a very lonely place to be.
Will my long term relationship last?
Do I want it to?
Will I try to stay in this (IRL) community?
Do I want to?
Will I stay in this career path?
Can I afford not to?
Etc.
Usually I’d talk to my partner about all this, but because our relationship is also part of my issues, I feel like I can’t. So as a result… I’m feeling lonely and overwhelmed.
That’s really tough. I’m sorry you feel like you have no one to talk to, especially when you’re considering such tough decisions. If it’s worth anything: it is my opinion that at some point it’s ok to be “selfish” and consider the things that will make you a happier, healthier person in the long run so that you can then share this “better person” with someone who deserves it. Take a break, assess, regroup and start over. You got this!!
Thank you, kind stranger! I appreciate it. :)
I have no energy to do the things I want to do and my parents would pull the “I worked full time and got a masters”. Like yeah, of course I appreciate their sacrifice but damn.
Every weekend I stay up trying to recoup some time to do the things I want but I end up just feeling more tired.
Mostly unrelated but also I feel like I’m living half a step detached from society. I am grateful for my SO who mostly get me at least.
Sounds like burnout.
Don’t have any advice cause Im not doing so great myself, but maybe set some small goals for yourself that look more achieaveable and enjoyable. Set a few hours to rest and do whatever without needing to feel productive, set some days to go out and do something different, some museum you never visited, or if there is some kind of event in your city like live music or whatever. Some times it will not be your thing, other times you may discover something new you like, at any case it gives you things to talk about and discuss with your SO and peers.I always thought it’s run of the mill depression and never considered burn out. Maybe there’s something more specific I can do about it.
Hope things work out with you as well.
I don’t know what the heck to do with my life.
I should be happy I finished my major but Im not, Ive been depressed and confused ever since.
It seems like most of the “typical career paths” for my profession are not for me and my attempts to do something a bit different are met with really strange looks from my peers, my friends, my family and my coworkers.I think a lot of people feel lost after university, I know I did. Also very few people I know got to their careers using a neat path, a lot of career paths look like chaos. I also went down an unconventional, difficult path after university, as nothing else seemed to fit. I think you just have to do what is best for you and know it’ll work out in the end.
Thank dude, means a lot. Here’s to hoping everything works out
My manager is in meetings all the time but has a big ego so they have had no time to view my work but they ABSOLUTELY insist that they know exactly what I’ve done and that it needs to be better.
Bitch all the things he’s complaining about I’ve already done but it’s impossible to get a word in.
Totally get this
These people make my hair go grey and my telomeres go short.
I hate feeling like I’m just a number to every business, person, or company. Every transaction feels like they just have to do the absolute bare minimum, and if they don’t even accomplish that, it doesn’t matter because I’m just a number.
